To Lie To The Bathroom Scale

1. Weigh yourself with clothes on, after dinner... as well as in the
   morning, without clothes, before breakfast, because it's nice to
   see how much weight you've lost overnight.

2. Never weigh yourself with wet hair.

3. When weighing, remove everything, including glasses. In this case,
   blurred vision is an asset. Don't forget the earrings, these things
   can weigh at least a pound.

4. Use cheap scales only, never the medical kind, because they are
   always five pounds your advantage.

5. Always go to the bathroom first.

6. Stand with arms raised, making pressure on the scale lighter.

7. Don't eat or drink in the morning until AFTER you've weighed in,
   completely naked, of course.

8. Weigh yourself after a haircut, this is good for at least half a
   pound of hair (hopefully).

9. Exhale with all your might BEFORE stepping onto the scale (air has
   to weigh something, right?).

10. Start out with just one foot on the scale, then holding onto the
    towel rack in front of you, slowly edge your other foot on and
    slowly let off of the rack. Admittedly, this takes time, but it's
    worth it. You will weigh at least two pounds less than if you'd
    stepped on normally.